Well, here I am...3 years later, 1 more kid, and another 40 lbs heavier. Here I am... Almost 100 lbs overweight. My 5 year old daughter keeps asking me why I'm not skinny anymore. What can I tell her? I can tell her that sometimes that happens when moms have babies... Sure, that's part of it. The truth though is that mom just doesn't take care of herself like she should. I don't work out, I don't eat healthy and the older I get the more weight I gain. I had decided a while ago that I was going to do whatever it took to lose this weight. I am starting to show signs of diabetes, as well as other health issues caused by weight. I can not allow my weight to run my life! I want to do things with my family and have fun outdoors hiking or playing sports! Brooke started t-ball today and I WILL be part of this amazing journey of hers!
I have started the "ItWorks system" ... At the very least it is giving me the energy I need to get motivated. Instead of wanting to sleep my day away I have the energy to stay awake! It seems to be helping with my anxiety as well.
Ryan bought me a bicycle for my birthday (don't worry... It's what I asked him for... And I LOVE IT!!!) and I FINALLY had the time and energy to get out on that tonight! I would like to say I enjoyed myself but I think I was too busy dying to enjoy it! I rode about a mile...but man do I feel like I rode about 20! I'm not sure what happened! 10 years ago I could ride miles and miles without ever breaking a sweat and I would ride hard! Now I can barely get a mile without falling over dead! I had told Ryan that I'm struggling with getting out and riding for a couple reason, the main one being that I am embarrassed and do not want anyone I know to see me riding. No one wants to we this on a bike! But I've told myself it doesn't matter what anyone thinks or wants to see, this is what I need to do(I'm thinking about getting a shirt that says something like "don't laugh, at least I'm trying") The other struggle is that no matter which direction I leave from my house I am faced with insane hills, they are unavoidable and extremely hard to ride for someone as out of shape as I am! I suppose this will just help me get in shape quicker though... Or at least I can hope!
Over the years I have struggled with finding the motivation I need to get in shape. I still do but I think I have more motivation now than I ever have. My husband deserves a wife that is healthy and can keep up with him and the kids! My children deserve the same and my daughter is old enough to start understanding. She has asked me twice in the last week "mom, why aren't you skinny like you used to be in the pictures I've seen?" And then she says " I liked it when you were skinny, I wish you were skinny again" while this stings (about as bad as lemon juice in a fresh c-section incision... And believe me... THAT STINGS!!!) it also gives me the kick in the butt I need. I want my daughter to look at me and be proud! So, if I can't do this for me... I will do it for her! Someday i WILL be skinny again!
So here I am, once again attempting to find and keep the motivation I need to get back in shape and down to my goal weight.... My hopes is that by this time next year I will be writing a blog that says I did it! Here I go again...
